Why we need to stop the rush to seek peace and joy in motherhood
A topic dear to my heart folks. Here it goes.
Having a baby makes your life slow down, but for some of us this can be a very hard thing to accept and learn to do well. Many women are programmed to ‘be on the go’, to be achieving or doing etc, but when we just keep going ignoring our basic instincts for rest and care (especially in the context of caring for a newborn baby and perhaps two or more older children) - it eventually takes its toll.
I recently come across a book a called “The Rushing Women’s Syndrome” by all-time favourite gal Dr. Libby Weaver. The book explains a lot about our modern culture and its impact on the wellbeing of women. The term itself “Rushing Women’s Syndrome” give us some jaw opening insights into the cost of ‘being busy’…all the time… for extended periods… or worse case an entire lifetime and points specifically to the havoc this does to our nervous and hormonal systems. From there the cascading effect on our amazing brains and bodies spirals into disorder after disorder…. And all of sudden we are a society with a whole lot of health problems.
Anxiety, mood disorders, depression, thyroid issues, adrenal fatigue, auto-immune problems, digestive issues, bloat, inflammation, irritable bowels, sillacs disease, food sensitivities, cardiovascular problems, cancer, diabetes… the list goes on.
Our western way of being is FAST. This pace of life has instilled a culture of productivity and competitiveness in our society that measures success and growth based on efficiency or achievement. We have experienced an enormous technological revolution over the years resulting in labour saving devices for the home and information on hand readily available at the swipe of our finger.
We can shop for what we want whenever and wherever we want. Things are very globalised, pretty fast past and instantaneous. Yet the irony in all this development is we have lost a connection to the slow and simple things in life that keep us well and healthy and that is connection. Our connection with things such as food, community, spirituality, nature etc.
I believe this has resulted in a culture of stress across the modern western world because we have lost connection with the things that keep us calm. Reconnecting ourselves back to the simplicity of life is not all that difficult really…especially when we acknowledge that this is the way humans were designed to live and have lived for millions of years.
Our ancient ancestors lived off the land. They ate from nature and in accordance to the seasons of the year. Their daily tasks were life skills, the things that needed to be done to stay alive. But when the industrial revolution started, people moved away from this lifestyle into bigger cities in search for better living standards and work that could earn them a better penny! Processes became more mechanical and our way of living ‘took’ what it needed from nature rather than worked ‘with it’ to regenerate or replace what was ‘used’.
Then shit got real. The internet came about. Mobile phones became the norm. And plastic wrapped or packaged food helped us save time because it avoided the need to prepare and cook real food… we can just unwrap, eat and throw away.
So, you see things are fast, quick, instantaneous, they need to be because we are so busy all the time. Our human bodies (from an evolutionary perspective) were never designed to ‘go this hard’ all the time. We were designed to have periods of activity and then periods of rest. If we don’t do this, we ‘burn out’. And I reckon that many of our health issues today, especially those felt by exhausted and depleted mothers are linked to this ‘flat out’, ‘ go hard, go fast’ life.
Another one of my all-time favourite experts, Dr. Oscar Serrallach in his book The Post Natal Depletion Cure refers to our way of living as the ‘stress on/stress on’ approach. We are in a state of stress. Let’s have a little look at what this means for our hormones and nervous system… and why they can get into a state of havoc!
When we are stressed, our system produces ‘stress hormones’ to protect us from the ‘perceived threat’. Our body automatically diverts the energy it needs into dealing with threat or challenge until it improves and we can return back to normal. Your heart beats faster and harder sending blood to the areas of the body where it’s needed. Your breathing becomes rapid and fast. Non-essential aspects of your body (not needed for survival in this moment) such as your digestive system and storage of nutrients are comprised.
So, we can assume that when we are calm the opposite takes place? Well yes! Our system produces ‘calm and connection hormones’ to encourage us to maintain this pleasant state. This could be triggered by a warm bath, a massage, breastfeeding your baby, having sexual intercourse or reading a book in the sun. These enjoyable moments trigger the lower brain to release hormones, like Oxytocin and our ‘para-sympathetic nervous system’ is engaged. You have lower blood pressure, and lower levels of stress hormones. Your appetite may increase and you get hungry more often. Digestion works well with nutrition absorbing and storing itself effectively in the body’s fat tissues. Your circulation increases in the skin and decreases in the muscles.
I just want to point out that it is not a bad cop and good cop scenario here. This is all a very simplistic overview of a complex system… health and wellbeing require a balance between both systems. We need our fight and flight to mobilise us and get us into action but we also need the opposite qualities from our calm and connection system because we need to heal, digest our food and replenish our stores (Kerstin Uvnas Moberg: 2003:24).
What has this all got to do with peace and joy in motherhood?
Stress creates a physiological reaction in our bodies and when it is ever present this can lead to a prolonged activation of the fight and flight system. This undermines the ability of our calm and connection system, or to put it simply it means the systems are not operating in a healthy balance and we are not producing enough love/connection hormones that are so critical when it comes to enjoying your life as a mother. So we just remained stressed and pissed off all the time.
Stress undermines the natural biological processes that prepares women to mother and to actually cope with and enjoy that role. Here are some examples of what can undermine this process:
Confusion with information ‘looking to google’ to self-diagnose
Conflicting advice given to her by her caregivers
Well intended advice from family and friends that can offend rather than assist
Lack of help and support
Lack of rest and sleep ‘trying to do everything’
Not eating properly and regularly, or eating poor quality foods
Never finding time to do something for herself – always putting others first
Lack of support socially and emotionally
Isolation and loneliness
Mothers should not feel like hamsters on a wheel. Running around in circles and losing their orientation towards what really is important? So, what is important? Well I will take a stab. Your mind. Your body. Your health. Your wellbeing. Your capacity to love and be loved. Time to yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Stop the rush. Learn to slow down, because if you do not serve your own needs how can you serve your children’s?
I send this message with love and kindness to all mothers. Remember you have the toughest job of any human on the planet.
Best Wishes,
Zoe | www.bellamama.com.au
Hypnobirthing Practitioner Childbirth Educator ( HPCE)
Hypnobirthing Australia™ - Postpartum Doula - Yoga Teacher (RYT 200)
Wishing for a positive and calm birth and a peaceful transition to motherhood?